Watching a child learn a new skill is honestly one of my favorite things. As a teacher, I used to love seeing how kids would explore something and figure things out; seeing them move from practice to mastery was one of the best parts of the job. As a parent, I’m similarly floored by seeing my own children move through their learning. My older son cannot be rushed. He doesn’t want to be propelled by any pressure from me or my husband. He decides when he’s ready, and then he’ll work toward a goal.
Last summer, he enjoyed being in the water, but he wasn’t yet ready to put his head under. Toward the end of last August, he decided he wanted to try doing more of that, and he spent the entirety of this year being very proud of himself anytime he submerged his head in the bath. Still, when we started going to our local pool in mid-June, he was hesitant. We tried a couple different pairs of goggles, and when he found ones that he felt good in, he did it. He needed to be ready, and then he had the confidence he needed. We cheered alongside him, and he set his sights on his next swimming challenge: floating. He couldn’t quite figure out the mechanics, but I used to swim, so I thought I’d try helping him. He was adamantly against taking my advice, though he was slightly more eager to learn from his uncle.
When his week of one-on-one swim lessons at the town pool was on the horizon, we hoped they would prove fruitful and that his instructor would be a good match. We were told on the first day to stay back from the pool during lessons so that our kids weren’t just looking to us, so I wasn’t sure exactly what he’d been up to. At the end of the lesson, he came quickly walking up to me (we were on wet pavement near a pool, after all) with his teacher who said he’d had a great day putting his head underwater and had successfully floated independently. I was shocked. Though much quicker than putting his head under, he did what he wanted when he was ready and with the right teacher. Lo and behold, each day he worked harder (even in the rain), and he showed off the skill he was most proud of, floating on his back, at the end of the week.
There are three things that hit home for me after watching his summer of swimming:
Kids learn at their own pace, and they have to be ready to do it. It didn’t matter that we thought he probably could do some skills earlier because he wasn’t yet motivated to do them. He needed to do what he could when he felt like he could handle it–and any outside noise from us wasn’t helpful.
There is so much joy in watching whatever path a child is on. Regardless of the skill that’s being developed, bearing witness to all of the twists and turns learning takes is a privilege. Reminding yourself that this is about them and their growth can also be a helpful frame when you're tempted to tell them how to do it instead of cheering on what they’re trying to do.
Each new teacher brings a new opportunity for your child to experience a different style. They’ll find out what brings out their best and how they respond to varied approaches by navigating those dynamics. Welcoming in those chances for your child to discover how they learn and what they find helpful is crucial for them being able to advocate for themselves.
As another school year begins, I know I’m going to be holding onto these three ideas and trying to orient (and reorient, as necessary) myself to them. While not every skill will be as clearly seen and triumphantly cheered for as swimming was, they will all come to him in time. Until then, we’ll be ready to cheer for him and hope that his new teacher helps him discover more of what he needs to feel motivated and supported.
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